None of Us Saw It Coming

It was a January night. Paul, my husband, and I had just come home from our family Christmas dinner.
It was our tradition: dinner out, then gathering at my sister Judy’s house. Pool. Laughter. Stories. Cards. Catching up on life.
That night was full of family—my daughter, siblings, nieces, nephews, and my mom. We had a wonderful evening.

When we got home around 11:30, Paul and I stayed up a bit so our English Setters, George and Larry, could burn off some energy.
I sat down, picked up my camera, and that’s where my memory ends.

The Emergency

Paul’s Memory: “I knew something was wrong when she stopped talking.”

I had been laughing, joking about “blackmailing” the family with bad photos. Then suddenly, he said, I was quiet. He looked
over to see why and when he saw me, he said it looked as though I had gently set my camera down, as if I somehow knew,
and I was slumped over in my chair, foaming at the mouth.

He called my name. He shook me. I didn’t move. There was nothing.

So he called 911.

The operator answers immediately, and when Paul described the situation, the operator told him to get me on the floor and
start CPR immediately. They asked him if he knew CPR. His reply was: “I learned it in 1984. I think I’ve got the gist of it.”
(My husband had a quiet sense of humor and calm about him.)

He starts the CPR and continued on for over 12 minutes, only taking a break once or twice to take a sip of his drink.
Paul, doing his best to bring me back into this world.

While outside, freezing rain began to ice the roads. The EMT’s did their best to get to us quickly and had a second ambulance come,
just in case their ambulance slipped and went into the ditch. They understood that time was of the essence.

When the EMTs, Kevin and Brian, arrived, they told us that something extraordinary happened. They said our dogs, George and Larry,
were nudging their hands, then running toward the front door, then back again. As if they were guiding them., saying: “Hurry… this
way…”

Once they got into the house, Brian said it took them a bit to figure out what my heart was doing. They had to reset their machine a
couple of times, as Paul continued CPR. Then, as they took over, Paul stood nearby, looking on calmly. He wasn’t panicked.
He watched as if it were all surreal.

They shocked me twice. And then my heart started beating again. My rhythm stabilized. My blood pressure steadied. As if nothing had
happened. But I didn’t wake up. They began had to manually bag air for my breath, and continued to so while they transported me
to the local hospital, where they prepared me to be transported to a hospital specializing in the heart, an hour away.

The roads were ice and the rain was still falling, so they could not flight for life me.

At the hospital, I was stabilized and transferred. They cooled my body for 24 hours to protect my brain. And somewhere in that space,
between here and not here, something else was happening.

Paul told me I came to him. That I kissed his cheek and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be just fine.”
My sister Nancy said I stood in her doorway and told her the same thing.
I visited my mom too. I remember none of it.

What I Remember

While I didn’t remember that, I do remember this. I was with my grandson. My daughter’s son, who died at birth. I was “floating” but had no body. I was just consciousness. Danny Paul stood on a sandy shore under blue-gray skies, water stretching endlessly. He never turned around, but he
said to me: “What are you doing here, Grandma? You have to go back.”

I knew in that moment that I had a choice. I came back.

When I began waking, things felt different. Time didn’t seem to move normally. I kept waking at 2:12. Again. And again. And again.
I would see he same nurse, doing the same thing. Like a loop. I joked when I came out of it that it was like Ground Hog day.
And to my surprise, it was. I “went out” on January 31, and woke up on Feb 2.

It was the coolest thing, my waking up. As I came out of sedation, everything looked alive, with smooth movement like little specks of energy dancing. The walls. The curtains. Everything. And I understood something, saw something, that I had only heard of before: Everything is energy.
Everything is alive. I could see it.

The doctors were astonished at my outcome. I was told that I am a walking, talking miracle. I am a one out of millions, to come out unscathed.
Not even a bruised rib from the CPR. The doctors said my outcome was unbelievably perfect. Most people do not survive this. And if they do, they often live with lasting impairment. I did not.

My Near-Death Experience change my life.

Since coming back, I feel like part of me is still there. It’s like the energy, the vibration of me is different. It’s also like I exist in two places at once. Before all of this happened I journaled. Since I’ve been back, the writing has changed. It has deepened. Words write easier. When speak, words flow easily, always seeming to offer what the person listening needed to hear.

This is what I have discovered over time. I came back with a Truth. I come back with a knowing, a message. I understand that I am the vessel,
the conduit to deliver this message. And it is a great one. The message is:I

Our Creator is Love and only Love. We come from that Love. We have this Love living in us in each moment of our lives. With every breath
we take. And we are here to remember this. To understand the love within us. To release judgment of ourselves and others.To live as we were created. With love.

Since then.

I have had seven other events, since my first Near-Death Experience. Each time I come back, taking new breath…something shifts. It feels like a new energy alignment. A growing perspective. I am here on a journey of discovering what becomes of all of this. I am here to offer and share all that comes through me.

I am honored to be a vessel of peace and love. I am grateful to be here. I love talking about all of this, especially the words that come through.
I can’t wait to see what this chapter in my gift of this life has to offer to me and to those around me.

Peace and Love,
Kathy Ann

If you’d like to learn more about who I am beyond this experience, visit my About Kathy Ann page.

Want to learn more about Near-Death Experiences?
The International Association for Near-Death Studies offers research, education,
and personal stories about Near-Death Experiences.