It happened out of the blue…

It was a January night. Paul, my husband, and I had just come home from our family Christmas dinner.

It was our tradition: dinner out, then gathering at my sister Judy’s house. Pool. Laughter. Stories. Cards. Catching up on life.

That night was full of family—my daughter, siblings, nieces, nephews, and my mom.

It was a wonderful evening.

The Moment Everything Changed

When we got home around 11:30, Paul and I stayed up a bit so our English Setters, George and Larry, could burn off some energy.

I sat down.
Picked up my camera.

And that’s where my memory ends.

What Paul Saw

Paul tells the rest.

“I knew something was wrong when she stopped talking.”

I had been laughing, joking about “blackmailing” the family with bad photos.

Then suddenly, silence.

He said it looked as though I had gently set my camera down, as if I somehow knew.

I was slumped over and foaming at the mouth.

He called my name.
Shook me.

Nothing.

So he called 911.

Twelve Minutes

The operator told him to get me on the floor and start CPR immediately.

They asked if he knew how.

“I learned it in 1984. I think I’ve got the gist of it.” (My husband had a great sense of humor and calm about him.)

And then he did it.

For over 12 straight minutes.

No switching.
No pause.

Just Paul, doing his best to bring me back into this world.

Outside, freezing rain iced the roads.

As the EMT’s did their best to get to us quickly.

The Rescue

When the EMTs, Kevin and Brian, arrived, something extraordinary happened.

They said the dogs were nudging their hands, then running toward the room, then back again.

As if they were guiding them.

“Hurry… this way…”

Once they got into the house,

Brian said it took them a bit to figure out what my heart was doing. They had to reset their machine a couple of times, as Paul continued CPR.

Then, as they took over, Paul stood nearby, calm.

Not panicked.
Just watching.

Witnessing.

They shocked me twice.

And then my heart started beating again.

My rhythm stabilized.
My blood pressure steadied.

As if nothing had happened.

But I didn’t wake up.

They had to manually bag air for my breath…

from my house…

to the local hospital…

and then the whole way to the next hospital.

Between Worlds

At the hospital, I was stabilized and transferred.

They cooled my body for 24 hours to protect my brain.

And somewhere in that space, between here and not here, something else was happening.

Paul told me I came to him.

That I kissed his cheek and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be just fine.”

My sister Nancy said I stood in her doorway and told her the same thing.

I visited my mom too.

I remember none of it.

My Grandson

But I do remember this.

I was with my grandson. My daughter’s son, who died at birth.

I was “floating” but had no body. I was just consciousness.

Danny Paul stood on a sandy shore under blue-gray skies, water stretching endlessly.

He looked at me and said,
“What are you doing here, Grandma? You have to go back.”

I knew in that moment that I had a choice. I came back.

Waking Up

When I began waking, things felt different.

Time didn’t move normally.

I kept waking at 2:12.

Again.
And again.
And again.

The same nurse.
The same actions.

Like a loop.

Like Groundhog Day.

And here’s a smile… later, I found out it actually was.

Everything Alive

As I came out of sedation, everything looked alive,
with smooth movement like little specks of energy dancing.

The walls.
The curtains.

Everything.

And I understood something I had only heard of before:

Everything is energy.
Everything is alive.
I could see it.

A Miracle

The doctors said my outcome was perfect.

Perfect timing.
Perfect response.
Perfect care.

They called it miraculous.

Most people do not survive this.

And if they do, they often live with lasting impairment.

I did not.

What Changed

But I was changed.

Since coming back, I feel like part of me is still there.

Like I exist in two places at once.

The writing I had always done deepened.

Expanded.

Became clearer.

And it always returns to this:

The Truth I Came Back With

Our Creator is Love.
Only Love.

We come from that Love.
We are that Love.

And we are here to remember this.

To understand the power within us.

To release judgment of ourselves and others.

To live as we were created.

With love.

Now

I have had seven other events, since the “big one”.

Each time I come back, taking new breath…
something shifts.

It feels like a new energy alignment. 

A growing perspective.

I am here to see what becomes of all of this.

I am here to offer and share all that comes through me.